by David Cain
So get this, first day of classes, not just the first day, not just the first class, but his first class on his first day of being an associate professor. Right out of the gate. He shows up to teach his first class on the first day of the new semester and there’s a big-boobed blonde in the front row. It’s a freshman class, so she’s probably young but she doesn’t look innocent. Her relentless gaze captures him and her smile holds him. He’s not at his best but he has good energy so the class comes away liking him. And the blonde keeps staring and smiling until the rest of the class has gone away.
Left alone in the empty classroom, they talked about the class, about the texts, about office hours and school policy. Time seemed to fly away. He went to his next class. Presumably, she went to hers. Over the next week, they shared some classes, some long conversations, a few pots of coffee. Then she asked him to help her move.
It was a long way out of town. He followed her there and they pulled up in front of a big gorgeous house, nestled into hugely overgrown gardens. She retrieved the house key from under and doormat and welcomed him in.
She told him it was her uncle’s place, that he was in Europe and wouldn’t be back for years. She’d agreed to take care of the property and although it was a long way from campus, she didn’t have to pay rent. He carried her luggage to the master bedroom. She asked him to move a large cabinet out of the bedroom and into another bedroom. He struggled with the heavy cabinet and she slipped into something more comfortable.
When he finished the job and returned to find her dressed provocatively, the sex began. They screwed and fixed dinner and screwed and ate and screwed and drank and screwed and screwed and screwed. Finally, they slept and then the new day led them to the same course of lewd exploration, as insatiable as any two youths who’ve just discovered sex.
Monday morning came and they couldn’t be bothered to go to class. He called in sick and she just didn’t go. This went on for a week until he went back to his place to get some clothes and toiletries. He lost his job at the school. She presumably dropped her classes.
A month goes by and no one sees him. He won’t get off the girl. There are some texts, some salacious pictures, some posts. He sounds exhausted but happy. Surely this won’t go on forever.
Apparently, one day when she was off at the market and he was asleep on the sofa in his underpants, the people who own the house came home. They are nobody’s uncle. They saw the man in his underpants sleeping on the sofa and called the police. He told his story but they arrested him, just to be sure. The girl vanished. No one knows who she was. I don’t think she was even registered for classes.
He got a job in sales. Teaching just didn’t work for him.